Life With Lily: Pew Pew!

Life with Lily is getting funnier and more stressful by the day. Juggling a two year old, working 20 hours a week, a full time university course, being deputy editor at my student magazine The Edit, writing weekly reviews for Banter magazine, writing for my blog every other week, housework, maintaining my social life, keeping my other half happy AND still trying to keep my sanity? Not easy. If I didn’t have Lily to make me laugh I probably wouldn’t make it through the day.

Take today alone for example. My first day off all week. Praise be to God. Calum and I thought it would be ideal to head East Kilbride town centre early for a Zucca’s breakfast. Ideal? Apparently not. As soon as I had ordered Lily’s pancakes and milk, she proceeded to shout ‘MILLLLLCAKEE’ across the restaurant and at the waitress until it was presented in front of her. Of this she ate a whole two bites. It was then appealing to her to scream and cry in her pram for the next fifteen minutes straight, leaving us both mortified until Calum eventually lifted her out for Lily to laugh and run away. Ahh, the terrible two’s. I’ve forgotten what it’s like to eat a meal in peace and not leave the restaurant covered in syrup. At 11am.

I love shopping. I don’t have time to do it often but when I do, oh it’s fab. The whole way through Primark Lily tried to touch every item of clothing with her cheesy Quaver hands and those that she couldn’t reach? Kick with her muddy boots instead. As the cashier made polite conversation with us, Lily thought it would be a perfect time to announce to the whole shop that ‘I done POOO POO.’ Or perhaps ‘pew pew’ is a better spelling of how she says it. No topic is considered ‘TMI’ when you have a child.

I couldn’t wait to come home and have a cup of tea. I have a law exam in two weeks’ time and a 3000 word proposal due. Whilst trying to make a plan for each of these I assumed Lily was sitting quietly playing with her play dough. Upon turning around I quickly realised she had chewed her way through one of my tampon wrappers and was swinging said tampon around her head, spitting bits of green paper all over the floor and wearing my new black pumps. Starting early I see.  Looking forward to cleaning that up.

The play dough that I had assumed she was playing with, was currently stuck to the carpet, coffee table, radiator and balcony door that I had cleaned and buffed a mere two days ago. All three colours (orange, green and blue) merged together that would make my job of picking it apart that little bit more difficult. Oh, lucky me!  I’ve forgotten what colour the carpet was when we moved in. It was then, obviously, a good time for Lily to throw herself on the floor and cry until I took her to grans to play in the back garden. Seriously?

7pm and THANKFULLY she’s in bed. My proposal still isn’t finished, I haven’t done anything for my law exam, the dishes are at the sink (not in the dishwasher), the play dough is still stuck to the window (wait, it’s in my hair as well) the new clothes are still strewn across the bed, I’ve actually forgotten to do the food shopping AND get petrol (how is that even possible?!) and I’m lying on the sofa with a glass of wine watching Graham Norton asking myself ‘what even is my life?’ I haven’t got a clue.




modelling mum’s new shoes.

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